Post by Doctor Atomic on Aug 23, 2023 11:23:24 GMT -8
The Legend of King Kanadatave and the Stranger in Green and Gold
King Kanadatave had ruled Atovar for several years when three demons came to the kingdom and caused great despair, horrible deaths, and a massive loss of revenue. The young King could not bear to hear the woeful cries of his subjects so he resolved to slay the demons. Pausing only to bid farewell to his wives, attend a few crucial banquets, and get in a little skiing, he rode forth with his Companions to do battle.
His Companions numbered eight at this time: Hodak Iron-Axe, Tovarid Skirt-Lifter, the archer Blind Jim, Studly Hungwell, Addath the Grim, Red Rory, Uh…Clem, and Brunhilde the Thrifty (the Accountant of Thell). He rode his seven legged horse, Queasi, and carried three weapons; the sword Lupus, the bow Social Critic, and the spear Morning Sky (this was said to be a solid shaft of sapphire, given to the king during his boyhood by an elf, as related in the tale Prince Kanadatave and the Throbbing Codpiece).
They met the demons on a hilltop at dawn in a mighty clash of arms. The king blew his crystal horn as his men shouted insults and boasts prior to a round of rude gestures and the exposure of body parts normally kept covered. The demons, enraged, attacked and slew the several hundred footmen brought by the king for that purpose.
The King and his Companions, interrupted from their swiving of the local girls, defended themselves pretty well under the circumstances. Red Rory was beheaded by the demons and Blind Jim shot Brunhilde by mistake. In a quick moment the King and his Companions were chained, helpless, to a stone pillar. The demons brought forth a hibachi and a carving block. The body of Red Rory soon sizzled over the coals.
Thus stood events on that morning when it seemed that young King Kanadatave faced a ghastly gastronomical fate. The three demons came to boast, strut, and polka before their captives. The first demon was called Darkwind. Storm and wind were hers to command, and lightning danced in her shadow. The second was Vayr, called the Mind Worm. He knew the thoughts and secret shames of men and he fed on their despair. The third was Murray of the Ledger. Bureaucracies and economies collapsed at his touch and his methods of expressing his sexuality caused a high rate of painful mortality among the objects of his affection (usually virgins, children, or farm animals). With formal introductions concluded, dinner could commence.
Suddenly into the midst of the meal came a stranger in gold and green clothing, wielding a staff but otherwise unarmed. He struck the demons repeatedly, throwing them into great confusion. With a blow of his hand he shattered the chains binding the King and his Companions, and battle raged anew. The demons tore at the stranger, only to find a fading illusion under their claws.
Uh'Clem was sorely wounded defending the King (who was choosing a weapon and having a bit of lunch at the time). Darkwind was killed by a cheap shot from behind when Tovarid Skirt-Lifter used his mystic sword, Gillette, to trim her right arm back to her sternum and then kicked her off the cliff (discouraging her for a while, anyway). King Kanadatave strove against Vayr, and their striving was mighty and sweaty indeed. Soon both combatants bore grievous wounds.
The King, knowing that he was losing to the demon, gathered his fading strength and struck a terrible blow to Vayr, piercing him through the chest and driving the body deep underground, buried with only the butt end of the spear to mark his grave. Lastly, the stranger struck such a blow with his fist that Murray was slain and, indeed, parts of the demons body landed up to a three days ride distance. It was said that in his last moment Murray called to his father-in-law for aid, but he was tied up in a meeting and couldn't get away.
The King and his Companions thanked and praised the stranger, who still refused to give his name. He was made a Companion anyway, and accompanied the King on many adventures
King Kanadatave had ruled Atovar for several years when three demons came to the kingdom and caused great despair, horrible deaths, and a massive loss of revenue. The young King could not bear to hear the woeful cries of his subjects so he resolved to slay the demons. Pausing only to bid farewell to his wives, attend a few crucial banquets, and get in a little skiing, he rode forth with his Companions to do battle.
His Companions numbered eight at this time: Hodak Iron-Axe, Tovarid Skirt-Lifter, the archer Blind Jim, Studly Hungwell, Addath the Grim, Red Rory, Uh…Clem, and Brunhilde the Thrifty (the Accountant of Thell). He rode his seven legged horse, Queasi, and carried three weapons; the sword Lupus, the bow Social Critic, and the spear Morning Sky (this was said to be a solid shaft of sapphire, given to the king during his boyhood by an elf, as related in the tale Prince Kanadatave and the Throbbing Codpiece).
They met the demons on a hilltop at dawn in a mighty clash of arms. The king blew his crystal horn as his men shouted insults and boasts prior to a round of rude gestures and the exposure of body parts normally kept covered. The demons, enraged, attacked and slew the several hundred footmen brought by the king for that purpose.
The King and his Companions, interrupted from their swiving of the local girls, defended themselves pretty well under the circumstances. Red Rory was beheaded by the demons and Blind Jim shot Brunhilde by mistake. In a quick moment the King and his Companions were chained, helpless, to a stone pillar. The demons brought forth a hibachi and a carving block. The body of Red Rory soon sizzled over the coals.
Thus stood events on that morning when it seemed that young King Kanadatave faced a ghastly gastronomical fate. The three demons came to boast, strut, and polka before their captives. The first demon was called Darkwind. Storm and wind were hers to command, and lightning danced in her shadow. The second was Vayr, called the Mind Worm. He knew the thoughts and secret shames of men and he fed on their despair. The third was Murray of the Ledger. Bureaucracies and economies collapsed at his touch and his methods of expressing his sexuality caused a high rate of painful mortality among the objects of his affection (usually virgins, children, or farm animals). With formal introductions concluded, dinner could commence.
Suddenly into the midst of the meal came a stranger in gold and green clothing, wielding a staff but otherwise unarmed. He struck the demons repeatedly, throwing them into great confusion. With a blow of his hand he shattered the chains binding the King and his Companions, and battle raged anew. The demons tore at the stranger, only to find a fading illusion under their claws.
Uh'Clem was sorely wounded defending the King (who was choosing a weapon and having a bit of lunch at the time). Darkwind was killed by a cheap shot from behind when Tovarid Skirt-Lifter used his mystic sword, Gillette, to trim her right arm back to her sternum and then kicked her off the cliff (discouraging her for a while, anyway). King Kanadatave strove against Vayr, and their striving was mighty and sweaty indeed. Soon both combatants bore grievous wounds.
The King, knowing that he was losing to the demon, gathered his fading strength and struck a terrible blow to Vayr, piercing him through the chest and driving the body deep underground, buried with only the butt end of the spear to mark his grave. Lastly, the stranger struck such a blow with his fist that Murray was slain and, indeed, parts of the demons body landed up to a three days ride distance. It was said that in his last moment Murray called to his father-in-law for aid, but he was tied up in a meeting and couldn't get away.
The King and his Companions thanked and praised the stranger, who still refused to give his name. He was made a Companion anyway, and accompanied the King on many adventures